Back with a bang!

Well folks, it's that time of year again. The time of year when I give my old fluorescent jacket a hose down and pull the sturdy boots from the back of the wardrobe and head back to the campsite. Strangely though, however, I have been quite looking forward to going back to my old stomping ground. I have been working hard over the winter months on various projects, so it's nice to get back out into the fresh air again.

I've been back for a while now and it's been a blogging heaven since I returned. After only three shifts, I was presented (quite literally, in fact) with something which I knew I could blog about.

NB: If you are of a sensitive nature, then it's probably best to stop reading here and read another, less graphic, post on this blog.

I was meandering my way through the site on a cool Winter's eve, when I decided that to pass the time I would do a building check. I checked the first block of toilets and everything was fine. Bearing in mind I was only three days back into the night life of the campsite, nothing could prepare me for what lay in wait in the second building. I walked in and noticed a strange aroma in the air. I walked slowly to the end of the cubicles and pushed each door open and peered cautiously inside. Everything seemed in order until the third door from the end. When I approached, the strange aroma was slightly stronger at this end.

As I slowly opened the cubicle door, the first thing I noticed was the back wall. It was covered with human excrement from the cistern down to the floor. When I stepped back to survey the damage, I noticed that this poor unfortunate soul* had had a rear end accident of almighty proportions. The back wall, cistern, cubicle walls, toilet, toilet seat and the floor was covered in a dark shade of brown.

I decided to lock that door and return later, once I had carried out the rest of the evening's duties. Now, the problem with these cubicle doors is that they can only be locked/unlocked from the inside. To lock the door, one would have to enter the cubicle, lock the door, climb onto the cistern and over one of the eight foot walls on either side. This was not going to be an easy task, as the cistern was covered in faecal matter.

I filled my lungs with as much unpolluted air as possible and held it there, before entering the cubicle. I quickly locked the door and made a grab for the top of the wall. I managed to pull myself up and squeezed myself between the small gap at the top and dropped down into the next cubicle. Job done. For now.

A while later, once everything else had been done, I returned to the cubicle armed with a length of hosepipe and waterproof trousers. I closed the toilets off to the public, partly so I could get the job done more effectively and partly because nobody wanted to be covered in a shower of faeces first thing in the morning. I opened the door and stood well back, aimed the hose and with a powerful spray of water, started to clean the cubicle. When I say, "clean the cubicle," what I meant to say was "spray the hose at the wall/toilet/cistern/floor/surface until reasonable." I did tell the cleaner in the morning and she said she didn't mind and would give that cubicle an extra clean, to ensure all was well.

When that was done, I knew I was entitled to a large, steaming cup of coffee. Which I had and it went down a treat. The only memory I had of the incident, was when I woke up that evening to go to work and the smell of freshly disturbed faeces caught in the back of my throat. Lovely.

Don't worry, future posts won't all be like this. Unless we get a coachload of incontinent campers on the site. And we don't accept coaches, so I think I'll be pretty safe.