Saturday 13 October 2007

Back to Basics

Things have taken a turn for the worse on the site. If it wasn't for those meddling day staff, then I wouldn't find myself boiling a pan of water for my coffee. The day staff, somehow, managed to kill the kettle and every time it's switched on, it trips all the sockets in the office. It's not the fact that I have had to go back to basics and make my coffee with a pan of water, boiled on the tiny two ring hob for the past two nights.

It's the fact that the pan is filthy and cannot be cleaned (believe me, I have tried) and it's the cleanest (and less encrusted with years of caked in food) out of the three pans available. It's the fact that the two ring hob is tarnished with layers of grime, fat and used cooking oil and that every time you switch it on, the room fills with smoke (pretty much like it was in pubs before the smoking ban came into force). I'm not even going to mention the frying pan, which is used daily by a member of the day shift for his fry-ups.

So, for the past two nights I've not drank as much coffee as I usually do, which has resulted in me being slightly tired and more grouchy to the punters than normal.

Last night was the perfect example of this behaviour.

After I had locked all the buildings and had a quick walk around the park, I made my way back to reception to ensure that all late-comers were aware of the silence policy. I heard a lot of noise, from what I thought was one of the caravan fields, so I went to take a look. The only sign of a disturbance was on the main road, by a large group of people. Well, that's what it sounded like. I made my way back to reception and waited. As soon as I noticed the torches, I did my best to will them past the park and down the road. Karma wasn't with me tonight, as the torches turned sharply and started making their way up the drive. I could hear them quite clearly from some distance away, so I made my way down to tell them to quieten down. As soon as they spotted the fluorescent jacket, they started to do what every drunk person does. They started to make the "ssh" noise. Now, when one or two people do it, that's acceptable and fairly quiet. When half a dozen people, as in this case, it sounds like a gigantic wave coming towards a beach full of shingle and crashing loudly onto it. I thought I was drowning, but I quickly put that down to a lack of coffee and went to speak to them. They assured me that they would be quiet, but I knew that they wouldn't.

I followed them, at a distance, and found where they were pitched. I asked them, again, to quieten down and head to their beds as people were asleep and they were disturbing them. I was told by one of the males that they were going to have a cup of tea and then go to bed. Fair enough, I thought, so I left them to it.

Approximately half an hour later I went back to check on them. They were still very loud, although they were inside the tent, so I asked them to quieten down. One of the females took an instant dislike to being asked to be quiet and demonstrated this by blaspheming loudly.

By this point, I was on the verge of calling Alex and asking him to have a word, but I was distracted by another tent who had decided to talk loudly. I went over to them to speak to them, they apologised and quietened down. I then returned to the boisterous tent.

I stood next to the tent, like a crouching cat ready to pounce upon it's prey, when all of a sudden one of the female occupants decided to let her friends, and all those within earshot, her new ringtone. Well, several ringtones to be precise. I walked over to the tent and announced in a firm tone that they had two minutes to be completely silent otherwise the manager would be called and they would be evicted from the site, followed by, "Is that understood?" A simple yes or no answer is all that is required here, but I was greeted with a deathly silence.

I then stood back from the tent to await the outcome. And what an outcome it was.

"I can't believe that guy just said that."
"I know. If that security guard says anything else, I'm going out there to give him a piece of my mind."
"What's the deal with the quietness anyway? God."

Normally, at this point, I like to jump in with a scintillating remark. I decided not to on this occasion.

When I returned half an hour later, the group had decided to call it a night and were asleep. Which gave me the perfect opportunity to note down the details for the report. Unfortunately, they are staying until Sunday, which means I may have to put up with them again tonight, depending on Alex's thoughts once he has read the report.

I'd like to apologise for the appalling grammatical errors in this post, I've not been to bed yet.

Monday 8 October 2007

I'm a racist (allegedly)

Last night was a bit of a strange one, if I'll be honest.

After I had locked everything down for the night, I went to ask a small group of males to quieten down. They apologised and explained that they weren't aware of the silence policy, so I enlightened them. A while later, I returned to the same group and asked them to quieten down again. They apologised and I left them to it.

At around one o'clock, I had to ask the same group (although half of them had gone to bed and there were only two males left) to quieten down. I explained the silence policy to them for a second time and explained that it was in the copy of the site rules they were given when they checked in. They informed me that they hadn't been given a copy (a lie, because everyone is given a copy and we never run out of them for that reason.) I also explained that the silence policy was explained on their ticket and also on noticeboards which are attached to the walls of all buildings on the site.

One of the males didn't believe me, so I took great pleasure in accompanying him to his tent and pointing out the silence policy, which is written in bold black lettering on the ticket, at this point he called me a racist and asked to see the manager. I asked him how he came to the conclusion that I was a racist (which I'm not) and he explained it to me;

"I think you're being racist towards us."
"Why do you think that, Sir?"
"Well there are other people making a noise on the site and you are deliberately hassling us because you're racist towards us."
"I can assure you, Sir, that no one else is making a noise on the site and the only reason why I am asking you to quieten down is because you are the only people making any noise."
"Well, I want you to bring the manager round. You are being racist towards us and I want to make a complaint."
"Sir, with all due respect, the manager has worked a fourteen hour shift. If you have any complaints, then you can speak to him at reception in the morning."
"I want to speak to the manager now. You're being racist."
"I'm not going to argue with you, Sir."

I had to speak to them twice after this incident, and I was on the verge of calling Alex out, but decided against it. If they are serious about making a complaint, then they will do so in the morning. Preferably when they have sobered up a bit.

When I mentioned this incident to Alex during the morning handover, he laughed and said that if they did make a complaint, he'd tell them where to go. I doubt they would complain. The amount of times I've heard someone say that they are going to complain to the manager in the morning is too numerous to mention. But 9/10 times, they have forgotten about the incident by the morning.

Sunday 7 October 2007

The Bloodbath(room)

No matter how many punters come through the gates during the week, Saturday is always going to be the busiest night. Last night was no exception.

I was doing my usual routine of locking down the buildings and the main gate, when I was approached by two of the Dutch bikers. Since I told them about the silence policy the other night, they have been the quietest bike group I've had on the park for a long time. They had come to tell me that there was blood all over the male toilets near their tents. According to them it was all over the floor, the sinks and the toilet bowls. The way they described it made me think that a murder had taken place in there. I finished the job I was doing, before heading up there.

I was met by the two Dutchmen outside the toilet, before heading inside. It was apparent that the blood had been there for quite some time, perhaps early Saturday morning, as people had gone in to use the facilities and ground the blood into the tiles. Did anyone think to report it before then? No. They waited all day until the night warden came on duty before doing anything about it.

The abattoir-esque conditions which had been described to me were nothing in comparison to the reality of the situation. Still, I had a job to do. I donned a pair of rubber gloves and set about place with some disinfectant. (I left one spot of blood though, to prove that the day staff don't bother cleaning the toilets. If it's still there tonight, I'll know for sure.) After about ten minutes, there wasn't a trace of blood in the bathroom. Back to the office and I scrubbed my hands vigorously with swarfega before heading back out into the wilds of the park.

I was walking through the field nearest the entrance, when I heard a vehicle drive in. I about-turned and made my way to the gate. Just as approached them, I noticed a male attempting to urinate against the gatepost. I pointed out the toilets to him and followed him to ensure that he didn't make the same mistake twice. He didn't. He also walked past three of the four toilet blocks and went to his tent. My guess is that he urinated against the trees behind the tent.

I was about to walk back to the gate when I heard a group of males laughing and talking loudly. As I approached them, they quietened down slightly.

"You are aware that there is a silence policy from eleven o'clock?"
"Hot potatoes, carrots, peas and beef."
"There is a silence policy from eleven o'clock. If I have to come back here again, you will be asked to leave."
"OK, Sir."

That has to be the single most bizarre answer I have been given when asking someone to quieten down. Luckily though, I didn't have to go back to the tent again. But I did report them for the large amount of rubbish, empty cans and bottles, etc. which were lying around outside their tent.

The next two males back from the town were part of the group which included the first urinator. I noticed one of the two males urinating against the hedge and I was on my way to tell him to stop, when I was hijacked by a Leo Sayer-lookalike. He told me his name (which wasn't Leo Sayer, although the resemblance was uncanny) and where his tent was. His friend then caught up with him and I made them both aware of the silence policy and the fact that there are toilets open 24/7, so there really is no need to urinate along the hedgerow.

Then Leo Sayer asked for my name. I asked him for what purposes he needed it and he informed me that he wanted to "write it down later" for an official complaint. I'm not quite sure what the official complaint was, as all I asked them to do was to conform to the park protocol.

They walked off, and I followed them to see where they went. As soon as I realised that they were part of the first urinator's group, I left them to it.

A short while later, another taxi appeared and dropped off another drunken soul onto my peaceful park. This one was on his mobile phone. As he walked past, I realised where he was heading. I knew, because he had decided to phone Leo Sayer and company to let them know he was back. He remained on the phone all the way through the park until he was standing less than ten feet away from Leo Sayer. What would we do without mobile phones?

I gave them their five minutes to quieten down before going to tell them to shut up or leave. It got to around two minutes before the noise levels were breached. I told them to quieten down immediately or they would be leaving. They apologised and did as instructed.

I waited around, near the tent, to ensure the noise levels didn't become too loud. I heard the unzipping of the tent, so I walked round so I could see the entrance of the tent. Nobody emerged from the tent, so I stood there to ensure that no one decided to come out and urinate in the trees. The group descended into complete quietness for about a minute before karma struck.

I heard the sound of liquid hitting the plastic groundsheet and thought that someone had spilled their drink. The sound continued before someone uttered the words;

"Aw man, go piss outside the tent!"

Yes, karma had indeed struck again!

New Links Added

Since the last post about the Dutch Bikers, I've had a few comments and a few new additions to the blog list. So here they are, in no particular order of merit:

  • Life On A Roll Of Film - A blog about a supermarket photo counter assistant. Highly entertaining.
  • Pizza Hut Team Member - Ever wondered what goes on behind the scenes at Pizza Hut? Well this blog will tell you all you need to know. Well written and enjoyable.
I think that's all. If you feel like adding this blog to your blog roll, then leave me a comment and I'll add you to mine.