Just Say NO!

On hindsight, that could have saved me from becoming very stressed the other night.

It started off quiet enough, but soon descended into madness. At around a quarter to midnight, a minibus pulled up at the gate, realised it was closed so they parked up in the bays provided. I went down to the gate to investigate what was going on. They had apparently phoned up earlier in the evening and had been told that it was OK and they could arrive whenever they wanted, as there was a Night Warden on duty to let them onto the park. Once the driver had verified that I was the Night Warden, he asked if I could open the gate so he and the other fifteen members of his party could pitch their tents. I told him that the gates were locked at 11pm and he was almost an hour too late to get onto the site. Initially, I wasn't happy to let such a large crowd onto the park at this late hour, so I radioed Alex to find out if he knew anything about them. Unsurprisingly, he didn't and told me to inform them of the various other car parks in the area, as they weren't going to be sleeping here tonight. They weren't happy at this decision and asked to speak to Alex. I would have loved to drag him all the way down to the site, only to watch the fireworks which would undoubtedly follow, then watching them leave the site. One of the group had friends on the site and asked me if it was OK for him to go on the park. I was fine with this, under certain circumstances. Those were that he slept in his friend’s tent and if I caught him pitching his own tent, then he would be removed from the site with a Police escort.

A short while later, a large four wheel drive vehicle pulled into the car park. I spoke to the female driver, who informed me that they had just driven for several hours and weren't aware the gates would be locked. She had her husband and two young children with her; I trusted my instinct and let them onto the park. After I had told them the various rules and regulations, I was walking off and her two young children, both of them, said "Thank you." Their parents did not utter a word. They were quiet for the rest of the night and they even extended their stay on the site for a few days.

I walked around the site, ensuring that everyone was quiet and nothing untoward was happening whilst I had been distracted by the late arrivals. I then heard another vehicle at the entrance, so I made my way down to ensure all was well.

As I reached the gate, a young couple got out of their vehicle and walked towards the entrance. They asked me if they could pitch their tent for the night. I gave them a quick glance up and down and decided to let them onto the park. I gave them a quick lecture about the rules and regulations, which they were happy with, and pointed to the area next to the family, who had arrived about half an hour prior to them. I walked towards reception to ensure they knew where to pitch their tent and that everything was in order.

They stood there for a few moments, before heading over to where the family's tent was and walked past it. So far past it, they were heading into the caravan section. I walked over to them and asked them to pitch up next to the two tents which were there already. The female apologised and said they were "lost." I sighed (I have to stop sighing at people, it's becoming a habit) and pointed to the two tents and said, "Just pitch next to them."

I decided to take a walk around the park, as I thought I had heard a disturbance, which turned out to be nothing. When I arrived back, the family was settling down for the night, yet the young couple was nowhere to be seen. I looked around, in all directions, and then I noticed a light at the bottom of the caravan field. I knew that it was the young couple immediately, so I headed off down towards them. Again I asked them to pitch next to the other two tents, and then I walked off towards reception. When I got there, I turned around and noticed them about to set up their tent in the middle of the caravan field, nowhere near the other two tents. I walked quickly over to them and asked if there were any problems (they were British, so there were no language barriers which it could be blamed on). The female told me that they had "heard voices" from the other two tents and didn't want to disturb them by setting up their tent.

I was quickly losing patience.

I instructed them to pitch next to the other two tents and left them to it. My stress levels were becoming quite high, so I decided to calm down by taking a walk around the site. When I came back, they were nowhere to be seen. I then noticed two figures heading into another of the tent fields. My instinct told me that it was them. I took a shortcut and headed after them. When I stopped them, they were quite surprised. I asked them if they were lost again and they informed me that they were going to "find our mates." I assured them there would be plenty of time for that in the morning and sent them back to pitch their tent.

After a quick coffee break, which was urgently required, I went back out to check on them and they had pitched their tent, although it wasn't next to the other two. The point is, they pitched it in the correct field and they were getting ready for bed.

Next time, anyone who tries this trick, won't get away so easily. If they can't follow a simple instruction then they will be asked to leave immediately.

Psycho's wear mittens

Despite walking around the field, at the complete opposite end of the park, I still managed to get a smell of burning wood. So I had to make my way quickly to the other side of the site to the reserved field. As soon as I walked into the field, I noticed a small fire on the ground in the bottom corner of the field. Approximately thirty seconds after I had entered the field, I was stood next to two foreigners (I checked the registration number on their vehicle) asking them to put the fire out immediately. They protested, in their native language and broken English, but I was persistent and made them put the fire out. I then asked to see their ticket, which would clarify if they were allowed to pitch in the reserved field, but unsurprisingly they didn't have one. I sighed, maybe out loud I can't remember, and asked them to pack up their tent and move to the adjoining field. Again they protested and informed me that they had spoken to someone when they arrived and they had told them that they could pitch anywhere they wanted, although through broken English it did sound like the "warden" told them to specifically pitch in the extreme bottom corner of the reserved field, and pay in the morning. During this confrontation, I noticed a motorhome driving past and pulling into our driveway. Obviously I can't be in two places at once, so I let the motorhome drive back out again and head up the road. Eventually, they got the message and began to pack up their tent and, at my specific request; they leave their vehicle there and move it in the morning.

I decided to leave them to pack up and headed up the road, off site, to find the motorhome. My original intention, as it wasn't after midnight, was to let them back onto the site (if they had a valid ticket and pitch). But, by the time I had left the suspicious foreigners and made my way to the opposite side of the park (again) and further up the road, they were nowhere to be found. Mind you, I only checked one place. If they weren't there, I wasn't going to keep walking until I found them. When I noticed they weren't at the usual place, I thought "Out of sight, out of mind" and headed back to the site.

I got there just in time to see the foreign vehicle driving from their original pitch to the adjoining field. I was about to remind them of what I had asked them not to do, but figured it was too late. I then noticed someone else walking out of the reserved field, so I went to see who it was. It was one of the day wardens, whose garden backs onto the reserved field; he'd smelled the smoke and came out to see if he could help. I explained the situation to him and he left.

After about half an hour, the site was very quiet and it remained that way until I decided to take my break.

As fate would have it, that's when things start to happen. I was sitting there, with my coffee and book (watching News 24 bores me rigid, something I discovered last year), when I heard footsteps. As I had just made my first coffee of the night, I wasn't about to let it go cold for no good reason, so I put my head out of the door and noticed two shadows heading into the toilet block. Satisfied that everything was in order, I sat back down again and continued reading. A short while later, I heard the footsteps again, heading back in the direction they originated from. By this point my coffee was almost finished so I took one last mouthful, grabbed the torch and headed out into the cold April morning.

I noticed the two shadows heading up towards one of the tent fields, so I headed off in that direction, at a distance, to observe what they were up to. I got to the entrance of the field and stopped, observing the shadows and the field in general. The shadows had taken on a particularly annoying game of "Blind the Warden" with their torch. They continued this game until they got to their tent. Once they had finished playing "Blind the Warden," they acted very suspiciously around a particular tent. I wasted no time in walking over to them.

As I approached, the male recommenced his game of "Blind the Warden" combined with shouting, "Could you not shine the torch in my eyes please." To which I responded, "The feeling's mutual." He then repeated what he said, as did I. I explained to him who I was and why I was there. I then shone the torch on his tent and didn't see a ticket, so I asked him to produce it for me. It was at this point he took a particular dislike to my eyebrows or something, as he became very aggressive. He validated my thoughts, by asking me to "take a step back from him" and the fact that he had no idea who I was by saying, "there are a lot of evil fucking people in this world." I agreed with him and asked him to keep quiet, as it was three in the morning and there are people nearby trying to sleep. Again, he took offence to this by saying, "I have no fucking idea who you are, you'd better fuck off now or I'll report you, you weirdo." I walked off, laughing on the inside, to the nearest light source so I could note down the tent details and ticket reference for my report in the morning. After I had done so, I walked off only to hear the male shouting, "Yeah. Night Night! NIGHT NIGHT!" I sighed to myself but continued walking around the field. I waited on the other side of the field for a few minutes, before heading back round in the direction of his tent, to ensure all was peaceful.

As I walked up, quite some distance away from his tent, I could hear him telling the person inside the tent, "He's coming back, he's coming back." The person was asking him to quieten down and come to bed, all to no avail. As I got nearer, his voice became louder, I had to revisit him. I cut across the field and put the torch on that area, nobody told me there was such a thing as a 'light-activated-fool'. He reminded me of those plastic flowers which were sound activated, only he was activated by light, not just any light but he held a strong preference for my torch. As soon as I shone the torch on him, he started shouting loudly, with frequent swearing. I asked him to quieten down and even gestured for him to do so with my hands (something I have never had to do before, but it's not every night we have a psycho). When I realised that no amount of asking or gesturing was going to quieten him down, I threw in the towel and walked off.

Now, here's the important factor. Alex is currently off work at the moment, so I had to call out one of the day wardens. I knew for a fact that if Alex wasn't off, he would not have hesitated to kick him off the site. Any of the other wardens would adopt the more 'softly-softly' approach.

I called the day warden and explained the situation to him and he assured me he would be up in ten minutes. I walked slowly down to the gate and waited for him to arrive. When he did, I explained the situation to him and we both walked up to the entrance to the field. The tent was in darkness and strangely quiet. As we walked back down towards to the gate, having given up all hope I noticed a familiar shadow heading out of one of the other tent fields and down towards the main reception area. I told the day warden that he was probably the one we were looking for, and it was. He noticed us and marched, literally, over to us. As soon as he saw that there were two of us, he commenced his tirade of verbal diarrhoea.

The day warden attempted to quieten him down, yet he was intent on irritating us both. It was at this point that I noticed he was dressed entirely in black, like a Police armed response person, yet he had woollen mittens on with a Christmas design. Also, there wasn't a pupil in his eye. My original thoughts had been confirmed, he was obviously out of his tree on something narcotic. As the day warden accompanied him back to his tent, I went to have a quick break.

The rest of the night passed as peacefully as it had arrived, with nothing of note happening.