Psycho's wear mittens

Despite walking around the field, at the complete opposite end of the park, I still managed to get a smell of burning wood. So I had to make my way quickly to the other side of the site to the reserved field. As soon as I walked into the field, I noticed a small fire on the ground in the bottom corner of the field. Approximately thirty seconds after I had entered the field, I was stood next to two foreigners (I checked the registration number on their vehicle) asking them to put the fire out immediately. They protested, in their native language and broken English, but I was persistent and made them put the fire out. I then asked to see their ticket, which would clarify if they were allowed to pitch in the reserved field, but unsurprisingly they didn't have one. I sighed, maybe out loud I can't remember, and asked them to pack up their tent and move to the adjoining field. Again they protested and informed me that they had spoken to someone when they arrived and they had told them that they could pitch anywhere they wanted, although through broken English it did sound like the "warden" told them to specifically pitch in the extreme bottom corner of the reserved field, and pay in the morning. During this confrontation, I noticed a motorhome driving past and pulling into our driveway. Obviously I can't be in two places at once, so I let the motorhome drive back out again and head up the road. Eventually, they got the message and began to pack up their tent and, at my specific request; they leave their vehicle there and move it in the morning.

I decided to leave them to pack up and headed up the road, off site, to find the motorhome. My original intention, as it wasn't after midnight, was to let them back onto the site (if they had a valid ticket and pitch). But, by the time I had left the suspicious foreigners and made my way to the opposite side of the park (again) and further up the road, they were nowhere to be found. Mind you, I only checked one place. If they weren't there, I wasn't going to keep walking until I found them. When I noticed they weren't at the usual place, I thought "Out of sight, out of mind" and headed back to the site.

I got there just in time to see the foreign vehicle driving from their original pitch to the adjoining field. I was about to remind them of what I had asked them not to do, but figured it was too late. I then noticed someone else walking out of the reserved field, so I went to see who it was. It was one of the day wardens, whose garden backs onto the reserved field; he'd smelled the smoke and came out to see if he could help. I explained the situation to him and he left.

After about half an hour, the site was very quiet and it remained that way until I decided to take my break.

As fate would have it, that's when things start to happen. I was sitting there, with my coffee and book (watching News 24 bores me rigid, something I discovered last year), when I heard footsteps. As I had just made my first coffee of the night, I wasn't about to let it go cold for no good reason, so I put my head out of the door and noticed two shadows heading into the toilet block. Satisfied that everything was in order, I sat back down again and continued reading. A short while later, I heard the footsteps again, heading back in the direction they originated from. By this point my coffee was almost finished so I took one last mouthful, grabbed the torch and headed out into the cold April morning.

I noticed the two shadows heading up towards one of the tent fields, so I headed off in that direction, at a distance, to observe what they were up to. I got to the entrance of the field and stopped, observing the shadows and the field in general. The shadows had taken on a particularly annoying game of "Blind the Warden" with their torch. They continued this game until they got to their tent. Once they had finished playing "Blind the Warden," they acted very suspiciously around a particular tent. I wasted no time in walking over to them.

As I approached, the male recommenced his game of "Blind the Warden" combined with shouting, "Could you not shine the torch in my eyes please." To which I responded, "The feeling's mutual." He then repeated what he said, as did I. I explained to him who I was and why I was there. I then shone the torch on his tent and didn't see a ticket, so I asked him to produce it for me. It was at this point he took a particular dislike to my eyebrows or something, as he became very aggressive. He validated my thoughts, by asking me to "take a step back from him" and the fact that he had no idea who I was by saying, "there are a lot of evil fucking people in this world." I agreed with him and asked him to keep quiet, as it was three in the morning and there are people nearby trying to sleep. Again, he took offence to this by saying, "I have no fucking idea who you are, you'd better fuck off now or I'll report you, you weirdo." I walked off, laughing on the inside, to the nearest light source so I could note down the tent details and ticket reference for my report in the morning. After I had done so, I walked off only to hear the male shouting, "Yeah. Night Night! NIGHT NIGHT!" I sighed to myself but continued walking around the field. I waited on the other side of the field for a few minutes, before heading back round in the direction of his tent, to ensure all was peaceful.

As I walked up, quite some distance away from his tent, I could hear him telling the person inside the tent, "He's coming back, he's coming back." The person was asking him to quieten down and come to bed, all to no avail. As I got nearer, his voice became louder, I had to revisit him. I cut across the field and put the torch on that area, nobody told me there was such a thing as a 'light-activated-fool'. He reminded me of those plastic flowers which were sound activated, only he was activated by light, not just any light but he held a strong preference for my torch. As soon as I shone the torch on him, he started shouting loudly, with frequent swearing. I asked him to quieten down and even gestured for him to do so with my hands (something I have never had to do before, but it's not every night we have a psycho). When I realised that no amount of asking or gesturing was going to quieten him down, I threw in the towel and walked off.

Now, here's the important factor. Alex is currently off work at the moment, so I had to call out one of the day wardens. I knew for a fact that if Alex wasn't off, he would not have hesitated to kick him off the site. Any of the other wardens would adopt the more 'softly-softly' approach.

I called the day warden and explained the situation to him and he assured me he would be up in ten minutes. I walked slowly down to the gate and waited for him to arrive. When he did, I explained the situation to him and we both walked up to the entrance to the field. The tent was in darkness and strangely quiet. As we walked back down towards to the gate, having given up all hope I noticed a familiar shadow heading out of one of the other tent fields and down towards the main reception area. I told the day warden that he was probably the one we were looking for, and it was. He noticed us and marched, literally, over to us. As soon as he saw that there were two of us, he commenced his tirade of verbal diarrhoea.

The day warden attempted to quieten him down, yet he was intent on irritating us both. It was at this point that I noticed he was dressed entirely in black, like a Police armed response person, yet he had woollen mittens on with a Christmas design. Also, there wasn't a pupil in his eye. My original thoughts had been confirmed, he was obviously out of his tree on something narcotic. As the day warden accompanied him back to his tent, I went to have a quick break.

The rest of the night passed as peacefully as it had arrived, with nothing of note happening.

Normal Service Resumed

It seemed like I wasn't going to get back into the normal routine for another few weeks, but as last night proved, I was very wrong. Last night was one of those nights which made me remember all the good things from last year, as last night was officially the night which set into concrete, that I am in charge.

As I was walking around the site, on my preliminary check, I noticed a large group of punters making their way back to their tents. It wasn't the number that drew my attention to them; it was the fact that they were making a lot of noise. I stood behind their tents, far enough away to hear every spoken word, yet close enough to make my presence clear. They did notice me and the drunken "sssh"'s started. I left them to it, as I had the rest of the site to check.

Because they had distracted me from my preliminary check, I was late getting back to reception. When I checked the time, I had to about-turn and go lock up. After I had locked everything, I made my way back to the large group and noticed they were still up and about, and making a lot of noise. I intervened in my usual fashion and asked them to quieten down. They apologised, believe me this is a rare occurrence in itself, and I went over to speak to another large group.

I walked around the site again and had to wake someone up who had fallen asleep with their radio on. I asked them to turn it off, which they did, and I continued on my way. I did notice what I believed to be a male heading into the female toilet block, so I walked over and opened the door and my original sense was confirmed. There was a male in the female toilet block.

"Right you, out."
"Oh, sorry."

As the male was walking out, I pointed to the picture on the door which confirmed that this entrance was for female punters only.

"See that? Female."
"I did notice that."
"You noticed it and still went in?"
"Yyyyyyyyeah..."
"OK"

I left him to it at that point, as I realised any further conversation was, more than likely, going to confuse him further.

I returned to check on the large group to ensure they were quiet and were heading off to their beds. When I got there, I couldn't have been further from the truth. They were heading to their beds, but hadn't quite grasped the concept of complete silence which is required. One tent in particular was more boisterous than the others.

"This is your second warning. If I have to come back here again, you will all be leaving. (pause) Tonight."

I reckon that all the tents in the group heard me, as a deathly silence fell upon that particular area. Sadly though, I didn't return to throw all ten of them off.